I am a cry-er. Literally, that person who cries when happy, sad, anxious, angry… I just cry. I’ve been called a cry baby, over sensitive and over empathetic, I’ve accepted them. Most times my tear ducts just have a will of their own and I honestly can’t help it. This happens to me so much in church during praise and worship! I will be standing there singing and my eyes will just start doing their thing. This Sunday was no different except this time, I was proud of it.
For the longest time, my tears have been a crutch or so it felt. I would become completely self-conscious and just loose my train of thought because I would start focussing on just not crying. Then a few weeks ago I read something on Facebook that really made me think. It was about just that, crying during praise and worship, that this person too like me felt the need to pull themselves together. I mean people were looking. They had however realised that it was okay for God to wreck them. It was okay because it meant that they were not numb, to His absolutely awesomeness.
Wow! It made me realise how although we know we serve the God that split the sea, that created water from a rock. Although these miracles are unfathomable just to illustrate how great He is, we become numb, because we have heard it many times. It’s not a new story – it’s not here and now, except He is. He is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
On the way to church yesterday, I told God I wasn’t going to hold back if the tears came, that, that it was alright. I was going to go with it. How many of you know that when you tell God something like that, He’s going to really test you? Well, I cried from the start of praise and worship right through to the last song we sang at the closing of the service. I couldn’t not contain myself. I was a complete wreck.
Daniel slept through the entire service – and I laughed because that – that for us was so blatantly God. He never sleeps in church anymore, he’s a little busy body up and down in the mothers room. He slept, from the end of praise and worship right through till the last song of the service. I have goosebumps even writing this.
I spent the day completely pensive, in awe of His absolute greatness. Emotional and unashamed. It’s okay to be wrecked, not because I’m anything any one wants to call me, but because how can I not be.