traded sorrows

About six weeks ago, I went for my first driver’s license test. It was so bad. I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I had for the last 12 years somehow just NOT got it. Then I failed it.

It was terribly traumatizing. So traumatizing that for the six weeks that followed I did not get into the driver’s seat again. With my new date looming, Ian asked me last week how we would be scheduling my “refresher” lessons. I had already made up my mind that I would not be doing this test.

I was not ready.

I actually just was not ready to fail again. My heart was not over having to tell everyone how I had failed yet. To disappoint or even to try.

I had all the reasons in the world, why I could not do the test. I could not possibly take off work this week, I protested. It was so busy, so many things to do and deadlines. There were other things that needed my attention. We actually couldn’t afford all these unnecessary expenses right now, especially if I failed. Ian stayed adamant, so we booked the refresher lessons, which I reluctantly attended. I felt like an idiot doing all this stuff again. Things I already knew. Things that I did not need to prove again. In my heart, I just did not care about this anymore. I was not losing sleep over it. Moreover, maybe it was not part of my life to have it. You know?

 

Then Sunday came and we went to church, and the message really stirred me. It resonated so much with our situation and me. It made me excited about new seasons. I had such peace. Before my test, I had peace. For the first time, I just gave it all up. I had such peace that whatever was supposed to happen would happen. That if God wanted me to fail this time – He knew his reasons for it. He knew why I failed the first time and this was part of His plan. Not my plan. I knew that His plan was better.

 

Can you guess what happened?

trading sorrows2

I PASSED. I actually flew through that test, time went by so quickly. I was calm and collected. It was like an out of body experience. I wasn’t just happy. I was am ELATED!

Elated synonyms: thrilled, delighted, overjoyed, ecstatic, euphoric, very happy, joyous, gleeful, jubilant, beside oneself, exultant, rapturous, in raptures, walking on air, on cloud nine, in seventh heaven, jumping for joy, in transports of delight;

I still cannot believe that I am officially a licensed driver. I keep looking at my temporary license to remind myself that it’s real. I keep telling Ian over and over again – “I have my license” as though I expect him to wake me up. So yes, now it was worth for me. And as easy as it is right now for me to say that I trusted God’s plan for this situation because it panned out how I wanted it to.

 

I can honestly tell you, that the ball of nerves that I am wasn’t driving on Monday. That that calm peace that came over me. That was supernatural and miraculous.

I HAVE MY LICENSE GUYS!

In the meantime – have faith in His plans.

13 Comments on I have traded my sorrow and shame!

  1. Congratulations Vee!!! There is nothing more thrilling than that feeling, it’s a new sense of freedom!!! Congratulations again… I have an aunt that failed her license once and she is 60 this year – she still doesn’t have her license! It takes courage to persevere through failure! Well done! 🙂

    • Thanks Charleigh! It definitely is a new sense of freedom. If I didn’t have Ian pushing me, I might be there too… It’s so hard to try again 😔 but most definitely worth it!!! Xxx

  2. Well done Venean I have gone for my drivers license 6 times including the last time when I actually passed! I started with my learners license just after school that was in 2006 and only got my license last year I was 28 years old!!!
    i told myself when Emily can reach the pedals i will start teaching her to drive, I cannot let her go through what I went through..

    • You know Karen, that’s what I keep telling Ian. Emilie and Daniel will never go through what I did. They will somma get theirs fresh out of school. 🙁 I am 30 now. It was so hectic man. Thanks for the read! Xxx

  3. Congrats and well done for going for another drivers test.

    You know what, I failed my first drivers test when I was 18 years old and I felt it very hard. I felt like such a failure and I was so ashamed.

    However I lived in an area where there was very bad access to public transport and if I wanted to get about I needed my drivers! Thankfully I passed the next test.

    • That is exactly how I felt. Good on you for going back and trying. It really is harder than you think after you feel so ashamed about it. And the fear of failing again is so real! xxx

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