Have you ever felt like you just wanted to hold your children really tight for a really long time, because they are just growing too quickly and you don’t know how else to stop it? I mean, literally Emilie must have grown 5cms this year already. Her feet are a size bigger, and she’s just changing.
She’s changing faster than my mind can absorb. It makes my head hurt. My head and more than that – my heart. It just hurts.
Being a mother has so many different aspects to it – with Mother’s Day coming up, I thought we could explore some of them here on the blogsphere. Especially since I fell apart last week with regard to my own FOMO. For those of you who like me are late to the party – here is the meaning compliments of Urban Dictionary:
| fōmō |
a state of mental or emotional strain caused by the fear of missing out.
Last week, school started, and with that – our usual, start of the term routine adjustments, and by adjustments I mean everyone feeling like life is unfair because they have to change things that were in place for the entire term before the holidays. Which were only for two weeks including Easter. This meant that there were some raised voices, snarky comments and just the general uneasiness that comes with all adjustments. It led me to some frustrated vocals, to which I apologised.
This is nothing out of the ordinary of course – but this time it was different. After everything went quiet (this happens after 8 in our home), I went into Emilie’s bedroom and there before me lay a pre-teen. A girl with likes and dislikes, preferences, and moods. In the few moments that I stood there I questioned where I was when all this “growing up” had been happening. I mean she was little like – yesterday?
It was a little overwhelming to realise how much she had just grown up without my noticing. Maybe overwhelming is the wrong word – because it made me cry. Heartwrenching? I kept thinking of ways that I could have been better. And not missed things. Another good mom friend of mine told me we all go through it. She also added that it would be more than once, (dammit) and that it’s probably worst because I have just entered the world of being a mom of more than one. Yes that’s a thing – because I just made it one.
Since DJ’s birth, Emilie has been a star child in all the ways that I could wish for. She hasn’t been perfect – else I would have referred to her as a star statue and not star child. But better than what she has been I could not wish for. Although – I sometimes wish she wasn’t because it makes it easier for me to neglect her. GASP! Yeah, that’s how I feel. Life gets so busy, full of stuff, some that are so important and other stuff that is not so important but necessary. I keep asking myself where I should be drawing the line – as if I’m going to find the answer on Google or something. P.S. The answer to that question is in fact NOT on google.
After some serious thought, I decided that I would combat my FOMO by:
1. Be present
Time eludes us, all the time. You think because there are 48hours in a weekend that there is no reason for you to not have time to do anything over a weekend, but then events pop up and friends. Housework. Naps. TV shows. And the list goes on. Before you know it the Carte Blanche music is playing and you are making lunches for Monday. With all this in mind – I decided that when I do – do things with my children (especially Emilie) I will put my phone down, and focus on being 100% with them.
2. Make time for fun stuff
The fun stuff is always the stuff that gets left for last when it comes to Emilie, I think I promised her 528 times in the holidays that we would get to painting our nails. Which we inevitably never did. I know, I suck. But really it would have taken me 30minutes, I probably spent 80minutes telling her later or rescheduling, over the two weeks in the holidays that she was asking me to please paint nails.
The point is I’m terrible. Making time to just have fun with your kids is important too. Your kids are not going to remember that they always had clean clothes – but they will remember that you made time for them. More on this at Harrassed But Happy Mom and Tums to Tots Online.
3. Just let it go
Guys – I have a problem. I am an endless planner. I know my husband is reading this somewhere nodding his head wildly because he can’t agree more. I plan our lives out so well, and then I get tired, so I delay my plans but because I want to get to everything my time always seems very little hence point number 1. I need to just let it go. Let go of the perfect picture I have in my mind of the ways things should be and just enjoy what is.
I think having three points is enough. I mean we all moms here, none of us need more “to do’s”. I am hoping that this is going to change my feelings of FOMO to a little less heartwrenching when they come around. Which I am suspecting will happen again soon. This time I am hoping to answer my questions with – I tried.
In the meantime – is motherhood execuriatly tough, FOMO and all? YES! Is it worth it? ALWAYS!!
Do you have FOMO? How do you combat it?